The anytime Snack
BAGEL WITH CHEESE
Difficulty: “Quite basic, but there’s definitely technique. You have to follow instructions.”
Method: “You’ve got to start off with a phenomenal bagel. You hollow that bagel out. You could keep that amazing dough on the side and eat it with some cheese – it’s like a little snack. But you hollow that f*cking bagel out and you fill it up with mozzarella cheese, which melts phenomenally.”
Action says: “It’s phenomenal. Something about it, you put it under the broiler [grill] and it becomes this bubbly brown goo, and then the crispiness around the edges of the bagel are all burnt. Phenomenally crunchy.”
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The painless pasta fix
EGG NOODLES WITH FETA AND PAPRIKA
Difficulty: “Phenomenally easy.”
Method: “Take a portion of noodles and you have f*cking paprika around, you have half a stick of butter, and you have 100g of feta cheese. That’s it.”
Action says: “This has been in my family for over 7,000 years, alright? Let me tell you this: it’s a traditional peasant Albanian dish. What a phenomenal blend of culture, society, class and gastronomy mixed into one.”
The alternative breakfast
FLATBREAD WITH RICOTTA AND PICKLED JALAPEÑO HONEY
Difficulty: “Quite easy”.
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Method: “You could literally start with any type of flatbread if you don’t make your own. Take a gorgeous ricotta cheese, spread it on top, oven it, add hazelnuts. Chop up some pickled jalapeños, mix [them] into honey and just drizzle it like you don’t give a f**k. Right on top of it, right afterwards.”
Action says: “It’s something phenomenal. The f*cking money.”
The bodybuilder’s breakfast
E-Z OVEN OCTOPUS
Difficulty: “Octopus looks like something that’s challenging to do, but it’s one of the easiest things to make.”
Method: “Get a motherf*cking octopus. You can leave the head on, take the head off – whatever you wanna do – but you must remember to remove the beak. The beak is extremely sharp and it will f*ck you up bad.
“Lay the octopus in a shallow circular Le Creuset pan. Add a sh*t-ton of olive oil, a couple of garlic cloves, some Calabrian chillies and the cork of a beautiful natural wine. Now you cover that up with tin foil and you bake that for two hours at 165ºC.”
Action says: “It’s a tremendous power breakfast if you’re bodybuilding –you bust down an entire octopus each day. It’s one of the healthiest proteins; it doesn’t have any fat. It’s just pure muscle-packing phenomenal stuff.
“You can do whatever you want with it. You could eat it right there, you could leave it marinating in its own juice and you could just grill the f*ck out of it. Every single part of it is edible. The head tastes a little bit different because it has some of that stuff inside of it, some of its brain matter. You just have to try it. YOLO. As far as we know, motherf*cking YOLO.”
The nuanced nightcap
EGGS AND PEPPERS
Difficulty: “It’s easy but it’s not that easy. You just have to practise for years and years and years.”
Method: “You fry long hot peppers, turn the heat low, crack the eggs on top of them and break the yolks to cook on a low heat. Then you add the white truffle oil. It takes a lot of technique. Everyone’s going to make it different, it takes a very light hand, judging how long the eggs need to cook – the egg needs to be a specific way.”
Action says: “This is a peasant meal that just transcends gastronomy for some reason. Peppers, when they’re fried, they give off this flavour of home to me. They just taste like my grandmother’s life, you know? So I have this unbelievable nostalgic feel, and then it transcends everything once you put white truffle oil over it. It’s just a phenomenal taste.”
A bit about the book
Action, your book’s called F**k, That’s Delicious. Who’s it for?
“I would love everybody in the motherf*cking world to love it, that’s really my goal. It’s a universal-type thing – it has a bunch of different things that I feel everyone can relate to. It’s nostalgia, it’s got real-deal culinary aspects, it’s an overall f*cking production. It’s not targeted towards anyone, but you know what? I do feel like it could be the turning point of a new modern age –a new style of cookbook. It’s not the same format as has been done millions of times –it’s a totally new thing.”
Wow. So what would you tell students about these recipes if they’re cooking for themselves for the first time?
“I feel like once you read this book, you’re an expert. It’s so easy and approachable and allows you to not be nervous and worry about having people judge you, because f*ck it, you know things are just gonna taste good. I got you. Trust me.”
Has it been hard balancing the book with your new album ‘Blue Chips 7000’?
“It’s been a good seesaw. I love it. I like to have chaos around me. I like when things are all exploding at the same time. It’s like Fourth of July, fireworks, everything has timed up beautifully and they all go off and as one flies the other goes. It’s all in harmony. I feel like balancing a lot of things in my life is what I need. I need controlled chaos. I need to feed my brain.”
Would you ever make an album about food specifically?
“I’m not really sure. I’d have to come up with a tasteful angle. No pun intended.”
F**k, That’s Delicious: An Annotated Guide To Eating Well by Action Bronson with Rachel Wharton is out now
Pics by Gabriele Stabile
